All of our lives are just that little bit less glamorous today.

Life isn’t fair, but it probably isn’t a redhead either.  To the boring injustice of life, Lance Leopard Esq would have said something like “Fuck you and fuck the public transport you rode here on”.

There are not many people who are so fabulous that even their mother had a drag name: the lovely Magnolia Leopard.

Some travel in style, some travel discreetly. Lance travelled both ways through the back alleys and laneways of Darlinghurst.

As Oscar Wilde (or was it Taylor Swift?) once said “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”.   As Lance would say “No stupid, that’s the STAIRS. To the Taxi Club.”

Or Midnight Shift. Or DCM. Or whichever club his presence graced.

Lance was a delicate creature, as he often reported in his weekly Star Observer column.  When he was seen with a nose bleed after coming out of the bathrooms at The Oxford Hotel it was obviously due to the sudden altitude change from going up the stairs to Gilligan’s. It’s just science people.

There are so many memories of Lance.  Let me take you back to a time and place almost lost to history or even imagination: the early 1990s Mardi Gras parties.  Imagine an almost empty VIP lounge at the end of the evening, sunlight unwelcomely poking itself through the blacked out windows.

Suddenly Lance spotted a small used zip lock bag among the evening’s party detritus on the floor. He dove on it as if it were a live grenade from which he had to save his buddies. And immediately poked half the contents into his mouth as I was saying “You really shouldn’t just …” then Gulp! he shoved the rest into my mouth.  We ran downstairs to dance frantically to the last song of the party from DJ Mark Alsop. It was The Communards ‘Never can Say Goodbye’ (the Shep Pettibone Mix, you know, the good one).

What followed was one of the best out of body, soul enriching, mind expanding dancing for at least the next half hour.  Which was odd, as the track is only 7 minutes long.

If there’s a moral to that story, let ME know sometime.

Lance had more recently adopted a healthy lifestyle, but he always had a very healthy love of fashion.  He was a sharp dresser with an even sharper tongue. Some even today are still feeling the sting from one of his very blunt show reviews. Deserved or not.

Lance touched many people through his life and work, but mainly the hot ones.  As he said “I don’t believe in the afterlife, but I’ve always believed with all my soul in the afterparty.” 

Your name is on the door Lance, and save some of what you find on the floor for the rest of us …

Desperately Seeking Lance, podcast episode 2019

My Lunch With Lance Leopard, podcast, episode 2019

Lance Leopard Changes His Spot, podcast episode 2019

A Tribute to Doris Goddard by Lance Leopard 2019