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Pete Porker drops by in 2008 to fill us in on all things Porker.

The Porkers are the mightiest ska band to hail from Newcastle and then end up playing US and Japan. They were never meant to be taken lightly. Despite the title of their videography “Persistence Is Futile”.

What is their history? What are their dreams and ambitions?

Learn none of that. But maybe enjoy your time with Pete Porker himself as he spills the pork beans on the state of The Porkers in 2008.

Also hear 3 tracks from their 2007 release This Is The Porkers.

All you ever need to know about The Porkers official website

Maynard: Not very often in the history of broadcasting do you meet? An epic legend the size of the guy I’m about to speak to now. Pete Porker, 1500 years, when first Settlers landed here, he was on the shore playing ska, weren’t you, Pete? Hello? Yes. It’s the a, the, the voice of wisdom here. How long have the porkers been together as a Newcastle institution ska?

Pete Porker: Yeah, as of this November, it is 20 years since we played our first gig. And what was that first gig? That first gig was a house party in Bar Beach. Uh, a few friends of mine had a, uh, a share house that was, uh, marked for demolition and we played the, uh, the house wrecking party.

Maynard: And did it go well? Did you go, Hey, this is what I wanna do for 20 years?

Pete Porker: I dunno whether it was, whether I said that at the time, but it went so well. It was like everyone was saying, you’ve gotta play again, you’ve gotta play again, and the house got suitably wrecked.

Maynard: So ska has always been your thing. And look to the uninitiated. Ska could easily be explained as very fast reggae, but that’s not correct.

Pete Porker: Not exactly. Actually the father of reggae. So it came before reggae, but that is a good way to explain it. And that’s probably how I’ve explained it to a lot of people over the years. It’s if you take a, for example, if you take a bit of reggae. A bit of early r and b, a bit of rock and roll, add some brass to it, like early rock and roll had, and you’ve got ska, but the way the porkers have played it, it’s always been a quite bastardized version it’s always well as it should be because you aren’t Jamaican guys in Jamaica. You’re doing your own Newcastle version. Yeah, man, look, when I first encountered you guys, I loved you guys. I’ve played lots of gig with you guys. There’s much history. Look, a lot of, people ask me about the band.

Maynard: What was it? What was the story with Pork Man? Pork Man was part of the band for a while. A mystery Mexican wrestler looking kind of guy who was Pork Man in relation to the Porkers. What was Pork Man or, or, or what was he in relation to the Porkers? That’s a great question. We’re still asking ourselves.

Pete Porker: He was he was on board for a while as our mascot, as our mc, and many other dancing guy Mc guys in other ska bands like say chess smash from madness. He wouldn’t get off after the introduction and stayed on stage. Danced around and,

Pete Porker: caused mayhem and became an entity in himself.

Pete Porker: And he was a hard drinker. He was a hard drinker, and he was a hard drinker and a soft man and that just run into troubles. And I I still remember I’ve got a bit of video of us playing in New York City. He was our last show and on our America tour and Pork Man was there, pork Man was there.

Pete Porker: And I said, a big round of applause for Pork Man who was standing on stage with his pants off. I said. He’s wanted in 20 states and we’ve only been to six. He faded out a little bit. His last official shows were with us in the year 2000, but he started just not turning up to shows.

Pete Porker: And so I can’t actually recall what his last one was. And he didn’t quite go out with a bang, but we did bring him back I think it was about 2003, 2004 for one weekend only in Sydney. And he caused a bit of mayhem then. And, then disappeared into folklore once again. But it’s a, and I like the fact that no one knows actually who he is.

Maynard: ’cause he wore the Mexican wrestler mask all the time. See, it’s a bit like sm I don’t care who ishm are. I don’t want people to tell me who the Melbourne band SM are, who always wear masks. It’s like pork man. I don’t care. It could be Lord Mayor John Tate. In fact, I suspect it might be him. Our lips are sealed.

Maynard: What happened with Ron Hit Lei, the lead singer of SM once someone pulled the mask off him in a gig. And lo and behold, it was some guy you’d never seen before. What’d they think of the pull mask off? Aha. John Farnam? Yeah. What? What? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t at all.

Pete Porker: And I always said if he was ever unmasked. That was the end. He was dead. He had to just go away like Bruce Wayne and Batman. That’s it. That’s it. I think a couple times he did get unmasked, but he quickly covered himself with either his shirt or pants or somebody else’s. I find it with the pork man would go on stage with no pants, but yet would wear a mask.

Pete Porker: Yes, definitely. He was a man with mixed priorities and the strange thing is about pork man. As I said, it’s been seven years since he’s officially been with the band. But people still come to the shows and go, where’s the pork man? Like they were expecting him to be there and it’s he hasn’t been with us for seven years.

Pete Porker: We dunno where he is. We dunno where he is. Last time we saw him was in Mundo. Yes. He’s gone back to Parts Unknown.

Maynard: This is the pork. Is the new album on the sound system label. And what direction have you taken this time? And has it been, how many albums has it been for the Porkers anyway? How many full albums has it been?

Pete Porker: I think this is our fifth or sixth. We’ve done a couple of mini albums, which weren’t quite full albums and we’ve done a lot of VPs in between there. Lemme think. 1, 2, 3, 4. Yeah. Live. This is our fifth full length album.

Maynard: Let’s have a listen to the first track off the album. It kicks it off. Sangria Alcohol. It’s about traveling. What’s it about?

Pete Porker: Yes, this is a, oh, it’s about everything. It’s actually, this is our our, uh, what is it? Our world music crime, as I call it. It’s a bunch of white guys in Newcastle doing a African themed Jamaican ska song about a South American drink.

Maynard: Ska recorded by the porkers. For the album, This Is The Porkers, your fifth album. And tell me, has it been a difficult album? Do they get harder or easier as you go on?

Pete Porker: Oh, I think everything with the Porkers has got a bit difficult. Difficult, is that a word? Yes. A bit harder. A bit harder as we’ve gone along.

Pete Porker: Oh, keeping the momentum happening and the mo motivation happening for the 20th year of the porkers hasn’t been easy. But in the end the eight new songs that we recorded for this were, came together pretty good. I, myself, I must have complete transparency here.

Maynard: I have been in the band briefly but, but not an official member. I just used to visit, I believe you. My trombone playing was referred to as the Monga Bone.

Pete Porker: The Mongo Bone? Yes. You were actually on our first album and you actually on our website, you’re in the Hall of fame.

Pete Porker: It mentions the the past members, the and the special guest members, and.

Maynard: I love wearing my Porkers shirt. I get a lot of pride because like the Castanet Club that I was in, we had a bit of a uniform to wear and you guys have a bit of, you still have a uniform, you’ve got the official Porkers shirt.

Pete Porker: We try to keep a bit of a theme together. I like the old 50 styles band that used to dress up the same. We have our bowling shirts and we, we change them occasionally.

Maynard: What is a Porkers gig like this to what big ones you got coming up in the near future? Coming up in the near future?

Pete Porker: We’ve got our big official birthday show at the Annandale Hotel on the 23rd of November down in Sydney. That’s our how big official party. And what are you pulling out the hat for that? Rabbits, pigs. All sorts of things. We’re not sure what’s in there, but we’re gonna hopefully gonna have some guests, some ex members. And we’re just hoping the punters will bring the rest of the party.

Maynard: And a good solid stage for you there. Too bit, a little bit most room for most of the band.

Pete Porker: Room for most of the band. It’s a reasonably deep stage so we can get some members at the back. And the other thing is for Newcastle listeners, new Year’s Eve at the Cambridge Hotel is gonna be the big one.

Maynard: I’ve been at a New Year’s Eve gig there with you guys. That gets into a lot of fun there. It, it does. And who got supporting you? You gonna do the whole night? What are you doing?

Pete Porker: No, we’re not doing the whole night tour. We’ve got our young friends from Canberra, the Los Capitals young punk ska band that are also on my label that I’ve taken under my wing.

Maynard: We’ll get to your label in a moment. We’ll play another track off the album Now. Dread man walking. It’s a Newcastle story. I’ll let you explain it, Pete.

Pete Porker: Yes. A lot of people that would know the inner city area of Newcastle would’ve seen an old man that walks around town.

Pete Porker: He’s homeless. So has a carkey raincoat. Is he a carkey raincoat? He changes every decade and gets a new set of clothes, but I think he’s currently in khaki and he’s got a long gray beard. And his hair is one big dreadlock and we wrote a song about him and there’s lots of myths about this man.

Maynard: Yeah. Do you know any actual information that could be true or not?

Pete Porker: No, I don’t actually. My my girlfriend actually looked into it and talked to some people at the Herald who were actually trying to do a story on him at one stage, and not a hell of a lot is actually known about him. What are some of the myths that he can fly or something?

Pete Porker: Something like that. One of the myths is that he’s actually really rich, but just chooses to live this way. And oh, the Howard hug. Syndrome. Yes, the Howard Hughes syndrome. And the other one is that we mentioned in the song that he accidentally killed his wife and kids in a tragic accident.

Pete Porker: And now he walks the streets as his own punishment. But wow, we don’t know. But neither of those stories is confirmed. None, nothing, none whatsoever.

Maynard: And have you ever spoken to him? You ever tried to talk to him?

Pete Porker: I haven’t personally, but once again, my girlfriend has tried to speak to him and other people have tried to give him money and he says very little.

Pete Porker: And acknowledges nobody. The only time that anyone’s ever seen any interaction is when he bought a coffee and a hot dog from the pie cart. But he doesn’t accept money. Apparently not. I think he finds money, but he won’t actually take money from people if you’re giving it to him.

Pete Porker: The Porkers Dread Man Walking from This Is The Porkers.

Maynard: And how would you describe the feel of that song, Pete? Sleazy reggae in, , that, old school Bob Marley feel. One of the songs I always enjoyed about the Porkers over the many years was the one you used to open the act with. That was almost like you were saying hello to everyone in the room.

Pete Porker: So I think that was going off. I think it was. And it was a good track to start with.

Maynard: You are well known for your covers as well as like interesting little originals like that Burning Love your Elvis covers. I’ve always been a bit of a fan of that. Has that been your most successful cover, you think, for The Porkers?

Pete Porker: Our most successful cover, because the ska version of Burning Love, it’s not immediately obvious. No, not at all. Elvis doesn’t scream. ska usually. Not usually, but, he screams, r and b and, that early rock and roll thing. We took, we took Memphis to, Kingston. It, seemed to work for us.

Maynard: Has it, has that ever turned up on an album anywhere or can it.

Pete Porker: It’s on our not bad. Pretty good, not bad EP or mini album, which was , a six tracker that we released way back when. What was it called? Not bad. Pretty good. Not bad.

Maynard: And is that still available?

Pete Porker: That is still available.

Maynard: Can you get yourself on iTunes?

Pete Porker: And, yes, we’re on it. So you can, get most of our releases at iTunes.

Maynard: Tell me, does much of the money funnel back to the artist in something like iTunes in your particular arrangement? I’m not asking for exact figures, but like percentage wise, do you guys actually see much of the money?

Pete Porker: Not a hell of a lot ’cause we , haven’t actually moved a lot out there at the moment.

Pete Porker: And, , it’s still a thing that’s developing. , It’s a reasonable return. I want get to the Pasha Polka

Maynard: But is there one track on this album you really wanna chat about, Pete?

Pete Porker: Something’s wrong with my radio. See, something’s wrong with my radio. This is the cus of the album. Something’s wrong with my radio.

Maynard: I’m wondering is that about the state of radio in Australia or general media? ’cause you guys have been around for 20 years, you’ve been treated well, you’ve been treated shockingly, you’ve been treated all sorts of ways. How would you describe the treatment of the Porkers by the Australian musical media?

Pete Porker: Not very well. I think we, beside yourself we’re one of the Australia’s most ignored bands as that actually managed to keep going. It starts with the local media here in Newcastle. I , we have lots of radio stations in town that are networked from other places, and generally, if you wanna get played across the board on one of those stations, you’ve gotta be on a major label. Simple as that.

Maynard: And what about Triple J? How have they treated you over the years? I know I was always playing you when I was on breakfast.

Pete Porker: Yes. You were. And then just as our career got going, you left there.

Maynard: Hang on. Not by choice. No. I might just add, I never leave any media organization by choice.

Pete Porker: That’s always the way to go.

Maynard: Yes. And then I played you on Channel V.

Pete Porker: Yes. Yes. Beside yourself. , We’ve had a little bit of a airplay on, , Triple J. But uh, I could say. Not enough. Perhaps it’s ’cause you don’t fit into lots of genres. No, we’re, we are. That, we are that, for a long time we, we haven’t been roots, we haven’t been quite punk, but we’re too punk for the Roots Show and we’re too roots for the punk show.

Pete Porker: We’ve always just been that, that ska band with that silly name from Newcastle. That does the songs about beer. It’s been hard for us to, be taken seriously, so the same thing was said about Jimmy Barnes for years and still is. Yes, but except he doesn’t do the beer songs anymore.

Pete Porker: Maybe we need to get that, really, bad drinking or drug habit and then, , announced to the world that it’s all over now. Tara Doyle from, Euphonic. And what is Euphonic? She’s co-written this song, something’s Wrong With My Radio. Yes. She, helped us out with this. This one’s quite poppy and, , it’s not ska at all.

Pete Porker: That’s it. Now I’ve done it. There’s nothing like criticizing the media to have them put you on. I know. I know, ,

Maynard: Have you thought of doing any stunts? The porkers are big on stunts.

Pete Porker: Stunts. Still, , licking our wounds from stunts that we, tried early in the days.

Maynard: We are talking to Pete Porker, by the way, from the Porkers, about their new album. This is the Porkers, their fifth album. Yes. Anyway, and he is trying to get some stunts going here at this point. Some stunt, some stunts. You really didn’t start with a media friendly name in the first place.

Maynard: You, your name was originally the pork hunts. I said it on Triple J, no problem at all. But, did anyone else?

Pete Porker: Very rarely. Very rarely. And the ironic thing was about back in the day we were playing at the Air Force Club here in Newcastle and could play under that name, which sort of.

Pete Porker: Got a reasonable following and wanted to branch out a little bit. And, we got told that we could play at the Tats Club, but we had to change our name. And it was like, okay, alright, it’s time. We’ll just change it to the porkers. That’ll be easier. And I was like, okay. So we got the gig at the Tats Club, came time to, get some posters to the Tats Club and I said to the, the booking guy there.

Pete Porker: Listen, we’ve only got these old ones that say. Pork hunts and, he said, oh yeah, give them give ’em to me. They’ll do. And they put them up anyway, so we didn’t really need to change our name, but it’s probably best that we did. Yes. But possibly I wish we’d, changed it to something a little bit more respectable. ‘Cause isn’t too bad. It gives you, a bunch of fat guys having a good time. Exactly. A bunch of jolly men. Now can we go to my favorite track on the album to finish up with the Pasher Polka. It’s got that Novacastrian thing going on. It’s a Polka, so it’s got that Weird Al thing going on.

Pete Porker: I love that. , It’s got everything that Maynard could want.

Maynard: And what were you doing here? What are you doing here?

Pete Porker: What are we doing here? Well, to be serious, our first single had a song on it called Earthquake, and which was a Newcastle disaster song. Loved it. And we. Thought on our 20th anniversary, we needed another Newcastle disaster song.

Pete Porker: Now that, now if I can remember the lyrics from, earthquake and I, I was lying on my back. That line. Yes. , What is it? It was 10 27. I was with my girl in heaven. I was lying on my back and I got sucked right down that crack. 10, seven hours. Get my girl in heaven. On my back, I got some crack. Earthquake.

Maynard: Earthquake lyrics like that you cannot buy if you went to a lyric salesman. If you went to Lennon and McCartney in their heyday, they couldn’t do that. They wouldn’t offer it to you. The red hot chili peppers, they could under a bridge. Nothing as good as that. Nothing as good as that. Not a thing. No, that is good.

Maynard: Look, we’ll go with the Polka here. This is the Porkers Is it in the shops? This album? It’s in the shops.

Pete Porker: It’s available. You can, get it at ww dot sound system music.com. You can get it at the shows. And don’t forget the big gig on the 23rd of November at the Annandale Hotel in Sydney.

Pete Porker: They’ll be doing this stuff. That we’re doing our stuff and also New Year’s Eve at the Cambridge and plenty other shows in between. Introduce us for us, Pete, I’m sure you were there Skippering the ship as it came in. No, I was stuck in traffic on Hunter Street. I know of all about it. This was the day the big ship came to the beach.

Maynard: Long live the Porkers!

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In 2007 James Valentine revealed to me why he is free of domestic guilt.

His book Spotfull was out, as a reaction to people who spend their entire weekend cleaning their white goods.

This is from the Maynard International Studios 2007 archive in the hope that James may persuade you to have a bath instead of cleaning it.

James Valentine official website

Maynard: James, what is Spot Full all about? I think from my perspective, I find it dull on the radio, but you are a recovering cleaning addict. What’s the story?
James Valentine: It’s true. Look it, it’s Spotfull is the book I’ve written as a response to the Spotless phenomenon and I’ve had to do,
Maynard: and that’s just insane. There’s too many fuss budgets out there with time on the hands.
James Valentine: Exactly. And I had to do this because, I am responsible for Spotless. I introduced Shannon Lush and the whole bicarbonate and soda and vinegar cleaning phenomenon to Australia, and I apologize for it. I’m sorry. I dunno what, I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know the genie. I was letting outta the bottle when that happened. Turn the nation into a group of people obsessed with cleaning, with getting rid of all spots and stains. And I just thought, I don’t think people really live like that. I think people live like pigs. Spotfull encourages you to live free of domestic guilt, to embrace your inner a slob and just lie back and relax.
Maynard: Yes. So I’m a single guy living on my own.
James Valentine: Oh, you are one. You. Prime Spotfull candidate.
Maynard: See, I don’t clean till I say it’s time to clean or my parents or a date is coming over.
James Valentine: Yeah, I would suggest the true Spotfull approach would be that the date never comes over. What are motels for?
Maynard: Exactly.
James Valentine: And it’s cheaper. It’s cheaper. You would be better off hiring a nice room in a hotel than you would be trying to clean up your pad, I would imagine, mate.
Maynard: And you can get away with free drinks there if you do it properly.
James Valentine: I advocate it’s cheaper to stay in five star hotels than renovate.
No one should ever bother to renovate a home. You should simply move out and live in five star luxury.
Maynard: I read that chapter because apparently the renovation cost can change. Where the cost of checking into a five star hotel doesn’t,
James Valentine: it doesn’t. You know what you’re in for. If you decide to renovate your falling down home the quote will be 100,000. You’ll end up paying 200,000. When you go to check into a hotel, they say, thank you very much. It’s 200 a night and it stays 200 a night. So you know what you’re in for and it’s much better. And if you renovate a home, you turn it into a home that has to be cleaned.
Maynard: James, one thing that you get to in your book is that there’s a few letters from people there, and one of the letters I quite enjoyed that there’s, there are some people who make a large part of their weekend, they plan to do things on their weekend that I would consider unusual, for example, planning to clean your freezer.
James Valentine: Yeah. I just find that astonishing, that somebody would think is I’m wanting to clean my freezer and I’d like some hints about how to do that. And my suggestion is join a tennis club. Perhaps go bush walking. Have you ever been to an art gallery? Do anything but clean your freezer.
Freezers can just sit there, can’t they? I wouldn’t clean the freezer if I was trying to sell the fridge. You just take it outside, it melts, it disappears. And that’s about it. Isn’t it. It would never occur to me to clean a freezer.
Maynard: Naturally I have the whole thing of cleaning the freezer because I move about every 2 years.
So the freezer cleans itself during the moving process?
James Valentine: Exactly. In the days leading up to that move, you probably don’t need to shop either, because there’d be all sorts of frozen sausages that are suddenly emerging from the freezer. There’d be at least six fish fingers. There’d be a pizza base. That you’d long ago didn’t even know you had. You thought that was just the floor of the freezer.
Maynard: You live like a king.
James Valentine: You live like a king for three days until you move. But also a king that has days full of surprises. Oh my God, look what the freezer has thrown up. It’s like being in Siberia and finding a mammoth.
Maynard: You do make a point of people that, that try and feel good about saving their leftover food by keeping their leftovers. And this is a two step process. One, it makes you feel good about the environment and the world and your ipo, and also you think you may be saving money.
And I’ve found this to be a false societal conscience and a false economy. Your thoughts Mr. Valentine.
James Valentine: Maynard, , this is a direct, direct experience from living with my wife Joanne, who does this, you order Green chicken curry. Green chicken curry comes, you eat about half of it and she puts it the takeaway container in the fridge, and you look at her and go, are you really gonna have that tomorrow?
Are you really gonna have that green chicken curry for lunch tomorrow? She says, I might. And I know from 20 years experience, she won’t any later than about four o’clock the next day. She would take that outta the fridge and go, do you think this is all right to eat? And you’d go, yeah, it’s fine.
She’d go I’m not sure. And then she might put it back. But it’s the last thing she wants to do is put it in the bin because A, she thinks that , all she hears is her mother saying there are starving children in Ethiopia, which is where they were starving when we were children, and now they are again.
And then. She also thinks that somehow the mortgage will be paid if she puts that green chicken curry into the fridge for a while, that will help with the payments. I say straight into the bin and get rid of it.
Maynard: And another way I find it interesting from your book here is the problem of mildew spots on old baby clothes. Now, I wouldn’t be aware this problem even existed.
James Valentine: See if you’ve if you have children, this is a common question that you get, again, on the Shannon Lush sort of segment is where people ring up and say, I’ve got some old baby clothes and they’ve been in a bag for some years, and I’d like to clean them up.
What should I do? I. What I find interesting in that question is that there’s this lovely, there’s a sentimental moment where your child grows out of the toddler clothes and you clean out a drawer and you think, oh, that’s a lovely piece. I’m going to keep that. And you put it away somewhere carefully. The question is, keep it. For what are you thinking at 18? You might pull it when the child’s 18. You might pull it out and look at it and go, this is what you wore as a toddler when that child has children of their own. You’ll pass on some then 25-year-old baby clothes. Are you just gonna get them out every now and again just to have a little look at one or two pieces?
Certainly, a fine christening robe a lovely little outfit perhaps, but people keep a whole lot of this stuff with the idea that somehow they’re gonna do something with it. My general approach to mildew on the baby clothes is you should have got rid of that stuff a long time ago.
Maynard: And what has been the reaction of the Shannon Lush and the whole crowd to to you taking the poodle out of the whole thing?
James Valentine: They love it. They love it. How much does Shannon Lush love the fact that she’s gone from obscurity to nothing? Via my radio show and ABC books, she sold 600,000 copies of Spotless and Speed Cleaning and Comfy. Now she’s reached a point where she’s so popular and so well known, it’s worth my time satirising her. There is no greater compliment. None more than parody.
Maynard: And one last question. What is the optimum length of time before changing the sheets on a bed?
James Valentine: I think when when you can’t sleep, when it’s reached a point where you’re going, I really can’t sleep. But otherwise, up until then, if you’re getting in and you’re cozy, eh, why are you, what are you worried about?
Maynard: So when the bed texture starts to resemble the Plains of Nazca, something like that.
James valentine: You know it because you can’t quite get to sleep.
Maynard: James Valentine, dirt up!
James Valentine: That’s me.