Category Archives: General

Lunch with Lance Leopard

Time for a serious Oxford Street lunch with Lance Leopard, but not till after an even more serious viewing of Valley of the Dolls, a movie Lance agrees is a “great starting point for any camp movie collection’.

Join Maynard as he visits Lance Leopard, high in his ivory tower of scuttlebutt, where all secrets are hidden and revealed, overlooking the inhospitable wilds of Darlinghurst.

Topics covered in this show include, Delilah, The Gibson Brothers, Madonna’s movie career, Jane Fonda, Liberace, Marilyn Monroe on the piano, Bill Collins, Village People, Claire de Lune, Joe Hasham and ABBA.

Lance declares two “stupid films” that should never have been made. While Maynard gets the best scene from Tank Girl wrong.

And the next time someone you know isn’t getting what you are saying, just do what Lance does, and ask them; “can you hear the drums Fernando?”.

Lance did have a few other things he wished to be quoted on;

“I’m glad you’re working hard on this show Maynard, I’m as lazy as Dean Martin.”

“I thought the Madonna film Body of Evidence was a great film in a genre I’ve made up called faux Hitchcock.”

“Madonna can act, when she’s directed well and she’s not the leading character.”

“My favourite Bond film is Moonraker, it’s James Bond in space AND Shirley Bassey belts out the theme song.”

“I ironed Neil Tenant’s pants once backstage because the Pet Shop Boys wardrobe assistant had gone missing at The Phoenix Bar on ecstasy or something. I blame the gays.”

“I have long arms, so it never looks like I’m taking a selfie. It looks like I’m just waving.”

“I’ve been called a gay icon, and I’ve been called worse.”

“Now a new audience has rediscovered me, I’m trapped with my quiff, my perfect eyebrows and my matte complexion.”

” Now that I’m older, I’ve realised timing and lighting is EVERYTHING.”

Enjoy your lunch with Lance, see you at the buffet….

Maynard’s 1989 interview with Jackie O’Sullivan of Bananrama during their Australian tour

Madonna in Lance’s favourite scene from Dick Tracey, love that dialogue.

Lunch with Lance. Lance Leopard enjoys some Valley of the Dolls Karaoke.
Lance Leopard enjoys some Valley of the Dolls Karaoke.

Patreon Pandering May – Lance Leopard & Tim Ferguson

A regular monthly micro show, Patreon Pandering, is very secret squirrel with the intention to thank all the Patreon supporters that keep Planet Maynard spinning.

This month Lance Leopard and Tim Ferguson open a bottle of thank you cream, and spread over where it is needed most, the supporters, who, month after month give Planet Maynard the goose it needs to keep going.

Have a listen if you are a Patreon

If you aren’t a current Patreon, give as little as a dollar a month and you’ll be in the show next month.

Patreon-Only-Image
Patreon-Only-Image

A Tribute to Doris Goddard – By Lance Leopard

Gay icon Lance Leopard pays tribute to Doris Goddard, and confides for the first time how The Hollywood Hotel songbird stole his cult classic short film Boots “and rightly so”, and his heart. “We love you Doris.”

Let’s go to discover why the legendary lady of Sydney’s Hollywood Hotel still fascinates.

I’m Lance Leopard, the tall star of short films.

My First Film

Boots, was shot on location at said Hollywood Hotel. I recall having to summon the feelings, the Walk, the addled emotions I’d need to convincingly play a drunkard. Tough stuff. I decided to just play my unfortunate little brother. AND JUST AT THAT MOMENT…. The set suddenly seemed to go pink. GLOWED. Ms Doris Goddard had materialized, pretty in pink to visit our set. Wiglet in place, head-to-toe Mansfield Pink. Oversized Sophia Loren Sunglasses. Doris is a great Actress. I looked round in wonder. And said it: “Oh my. This does take me back!” Yep, back to 1957 when leggy showgirl Doris Goddard starred with Bob Hope in The Iron Petticoat. And wiped Katherine Hepburn off the screen.

I felt a chill. Was I, too to be wiped off the screen? I was billed above the title! Doris, who isn’t even a distant relation to Paulette Goddard, joined & enhanced our movie to the Nth Degree. She was filmed singing our title song….HER WAY. Like, whos Nancy Sinatra? Never heard of her. Totally.

Oh, This Takes Me Back

SOOO… I had Boots click into re-release on line. Its my way of sharing the The Goddard Factor with fans that she has yet to know. All you campers. I hope you enjoy Boots. I did. You’ll love me getting the shit beaten out of me by 50 vengeful go-go dancers! I believe youll love Annette Evans miming to Nancy in the closing production number. I do. Stick around for the end credits- and thats an order, dears.

Fall in love with Goddard’s live version, it’s a gem. Dramatically playing guitar with a flamenco flair that makes the night sing. Here’s to you, lady. Because what’s right is right. And you ain’t been wrong yet. Your a true Star. Im only a fan. How does THAT grab you, Darlin’?

Doris Goddard Facebook page

Paul Gray passes

It was with sadness I heard of the passing of Paul Gray. He was a great Musical Director across many genres and his work when on tour (with many unexpected challenges) always pulled a potentially difficult show into a good evening of entertainment.

His work with Waa Waa Nee is also an Australian pop legacy, that on the Totally 80s tour across Australia was very welcome every night.

He was always busy on tour, it was tough to find time for him to chat. He is here in this show from the 24 minute to 29 minute point of this show. Talking about the tour and the other 1980s bands that were the contemporaries of Waa Waa Nee. Recorded backstage during the Totally 80s Newcastle show at The Civic Theatre.

Bunga Bunga 45 – Tim Ferguson & Maynard

In this Bunga Bunga 45, Tim Ferguson & Maynard deal with comedy, politics, cats, podcasting, fashion, war movies, cartoons, smoking, karaoke, history, religion as well as your Crankmail. Without exception they get it all completely wrong.

Tim gives you the names of the best comics at the recent Melbourne Comedy Festival and both of them will impress you with their sporting knowledge.

The only Australian podcast that is all about generalisations and obfuscations, you can never accuse Bunga Bunga of clarity.

Links from the show

Tim’s Comedy Workshops & Artwork

What Double J Should Sound Like show 198

Who Are These Podcasts?

Tea With Alice

Friendly Fire

Roger Ramjet – Dr Ivan Evilkisser

Patreon Pandering, blowing smoke up those who count.

A new regular monthly micro show, Patreon Pandering, has kicked off from Planet Maynard to thank all the Patreon supporters that keep the show afloat.

Appropriately titled Patreon Pandering, it will hopefully blow smoke up where it is needed most, the supporters who, month after month, goose Planet Maynard to keep going.

If you are a current Planet Maynard Patreon supporter have a listen to the new monthly show that deliberately sucks up to YOU.

Patreon-Only-Image
Patreon-Only-Image

Lance Leopard changes his spot

Lance Leopard is a gay icon and legendary gossip columnist from the glamorous 1990s of the Oxford Street strip, and beyond. Join us in Lance Leopard’s new spot. An ivory tower high above the fray, overlooking Darlinghurst, where secrets are both hidden and revealed.

During his tenure as chief gossip and stirrer of The Scene in his weekly columns in The Star Observer, Capital Q, Out Biz and more, he dished the dirt and smeared the eyeliner without fear or favour.

Lance even has celebrity advice for Dannii Minogue (a child superstar), Cybill Shepherd (selfish bitch) and his Mum (Ikeep my manners around her and try and teach her a few).

Join us for drinks won’t you?

I present short history of quotes from Lance Leopard;

“I can admit it now because I’m retired”

“People “remember” me doing all sorts of things. It might not have been me they actually remember. It could have been Sexy Galexy for all I know.”

“The more you do something, the better you get at it. Or else you’re always dreadful and no one will tell you.”

“Brisbane is like Baltimore, it’s one of those nutty little towns that just has its own thing.”

“I don’t know if I should say this.”

“If people are complaining there isn’t a scene. They can go out there and make one.”

“I liked it when my columns were in magazines people had to actually buy. I made more of an effort then.”

“Everybody has an opinion now days. But if it’s not an informed opinion, it’s a lousy opinion, and who needs to hear it?”

When asked at what point in history Lance would have liked to have lived;

“I would have picked the good years of Versailles. Before everybody got angry and started demanding cake.”

On the world of gossip a learned Lance quotes Ru Paul;

“What people say about you behind your back is none of your business.”

Archive of Lance Leopard columns from Cotton Ward

Short films starring Lance Leopard

Interview with Lance Leopard opening night of “Australia in the 80s” Powerhouse Museum.

Maynard touches Morrissey’s shirt sleeve at Sydney Opera House

See why Lance & Maynard so impressed with Bob Downe’s makeup.

The Megamen (with Lance Leopard on syn drums) Brisbane Telethon 1983 “Designed For Living”.

One of Lance Lepoard’s dance floor favourites Stacey Q – We Connect

Maynard interview with Stacey Q 2016

Maynard with Lance Leopard in his Ivory Tower, Darlinghurst, 2018
Maynard with Lance Leopard in his Ivory Tower, Darlinghurst, 2018

Village People LIVE Sydney 1980

As part of their Can’t Stop The Music world tour, Village People played the Hordern Pavilion in Sydney, Australia on 25th May 1980. Triple J (that had went to FM only in January) recorded for Rusty Nails dance show “Number One Song In Heaven” to go to air on Sat 7th June.

Some of their greatest hits are played live, as fast as 140 BPM…

The Can’t Stop The Music movie opened on 1st June at The Pavilion cinema, with the after party at Maxys.

Hear the voices of David Hodo, Jacques Morali, Henri Belolo, Felipe Rose, Alex Briley, Rusty Nails and more.

Includes IDs from David Hodo at beginning from Maynard breakfast show Triple J 1989.

Audio engineer Barry Smith describes the recording day (and night);

“There were probably four or five of us there. Keith Walker, Ian Davies, John Diamond, Michael Byrne and myself. A very long day on recall, about 0700 to +0400. I remember it well because of the effort needed to get rid of earth loops caused by the amount of effects gear on stage. Also because of the volume from the edge of stage sited main speakers that I was forced to jump in front of, to get off the stage mid-show. My left ear was ringing for days and is now way down on my right ear. They used Aphex processing on their main speaker feed making it extremely bright. It certainly cut through the air at the Hordern Pavilion that night.”

Audio engineer and mixer Keith Walker describes the night;

“My memory of the show was great band, great time and serious fun to mix later. It was the late great David Ives that put the deal together for the Jays.”

Keith continued;

“After listening, now I know why I had such great time. Where do I start. Ray Simpson a star, sensational band of musicians and the off stage backing chorus. Listening to the mix, I’m thinking at least six vocalist in the chorus, more like a serious Broadway show chorus, rhythm section insanely cool. Horns, keys, killer guitarist – hottest grooves and feels. Sensational. Only downside was the onstage feedback. The stage monitor mixer was fired after that gig. I spent time with the bands musical director, I remembered spending time with the band’s MD so I could get my head around the arrangements. Beautiful written arrangements, fab to mix.”

Thanks to Keith Walker, Barry Smith, Chris Norris (for the David Hodo ID), Ian Davies, Micheal Byrne, John Diamond and all of you who appreciate good disco…

Electronique 80s for Mardi Gras

Electronique, the 80s retro afternoon that is the best value in town, returns for Mardi Gras weekend and it won’t be back for months.

So I sat down with DJ Mark Dynamix and discussed the importance of Dead or Alive and why they don’t play more Madonna at Electronique.

Mark also brings up that time I played there.

Electronique on Facebook

Electronique music mixes on Mixcloud

That one time Maynard played Electronique