William Shatner charmed the frankly overexcited crowd that came from far and very wide to see his live solo show at The State Theatre in Sydney in October 2018.
I grabbed my best Shatner tie and my 1969 BBC Star Trek puzzle book and knew I was going to be among my kind of people.
If I can’t wear this tie tonight. Then when?
The resulting Planet Maynard podcast is from the dozen people I spoke with at The State Theatre that night.
The many shades of Shatner mentioned included:
The Outer Limits, TJ Hooker, Miss Congeniality, The Twilight Zone, Shit My Dad Says, Tribbles, Gorn, Kingdom of the Spiders, Canada, Red Shirts,Flying High 2, Star Trek 2 (but not Star Trek 5). Yet not one person could even hum the theme to one of my favourite works of The Shatman, Barbary Coast.
Here’s Bill in a mauve smoking jacket as he turns out to be a man of many disguises in the opening credits.
That theme tune!
Thanks to the Red Shirts, Belinda and her mum Robyn from the southern tablelands, Kevin Williams and the disgruntled Canadian.
The Coldest 100 was the creation of Andrew Sholl on Twitter in 2016 and has been the Giddy Uncle of Triple J’s Hottest 100 ever since. Anyone can have a guess at the hottest song of the year, but who has ever nominated the Bunnings theme or Kylie Minogue performing her version of Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep?
Andrew only does this on Twitter (he has a real job) and releases his Coldest 100 in parallel with what ever number Triple J is up too.
The Coldest 100 can best be described as questionable songs by Australians and about Australia. So Andrew Sholl sat down with me at The Madame Frou Frou Cafe to sample a sixpack of his 100 cold ones.
Here are a selection of 2019 Coldest 100 entries on YouTube. A list of The Coldest 100 from 100 to 75 is below. You’ll have to wait till January 27th to find out the worst coldest of The Coldest 100.
https://youtu.be/Jl2YLuKjwBU
Japanese duo Peanuts – Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Spot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhF0dyK6LVU
Red Rubber Ball – Cilla Black (The Seekers)
The Rooty Hill RSL Club Band bring the 1973 funk to Tower Of Strength
100 Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again (2004) Scared Little Weird Guys https://youtu.be/HahOnU3WglM 99 Canberra, We’re Watching You (1975) Dalvanius and the Fascinations https://youtu.be/quZjurDmiGc 98 Toodle-oo Kangaroo (1956) Frank Virtue and The Virtues https://youtu.be/7QRBbuJ4qwk 97 What Next! (Rolf Harris Medley) (c.1966) The John Charter Group https://youtu.be/vQduPtA5wLc 96 Poltettu Humppa (Beds Are Burning) (2000) Eläkeläiset (Finland) Video: https://youtu.be/ilJJAaQ_ApY Audio only: https://open.spotify.com/track/2WfU6TUISX6PVrBCuxFbjR 95 G’Day From WA (1986-87) Mojo Singers https://youtu.be/VNT1PUGG_IE 94 I Love You Fair Dinkum Dinky Di I Do (1955) Danny Kaye https://youtu.be/vsrDpDfhA2c 93 While the Billy Boils Ann Sidney https://youtu.be/1HTkr0nW-ZY 92
Georgy Girl (1967) Mitzi Gaynor https://youtu.be/tUPEVNKabGg 91 Sea of Heartbreak (1971) Lionel Rose https://youtu.be/-q7GXjh_kNc
90 Sport Bowlin’ Shane Haskel Daniel v Sideshow https://youtu.be/3Mu3lkjC9pA 89 Kangourou (1980) Plastic Bertrand (Belgium) https://youtu.be/kAKMdtByMDo 87 Wake Up Australia (1973) Bootleg Family https://youtu.be/g769F94B7P0 86 Olivia Newton-John and Pat Carroll https://youtu.be/C-DEZZ8a1rE 85 Click Go the Shears (Māori version, 1966) Lou and Simon https://youtu.be/rbU7nucfxmk 84 The Mighty Maroons (1984) Rod Williams arr. Keith Urban https://youtu.be/j0gL5jYSklc 83 Pack Up A Dream and Head for Hayman Island (1950) John O’Connor and George Watson’s Hawaiians https://soundcloud.com/nfsaaustralia/pack-up-a-dream-and-head-for-hayman-island-john-oconnor-and-george-watsons-hawaiians 82 I Just Wanna Yodel Like You (1981) Mary Schneider and Melinda Schneider (8 y.o.) https://youtu.be/FnLTnqLLmJE 81 Hector the Trash Collector (1968) Frankie Davidson https://youtu.be/HdfnvMdMNAs
80 Bouzouki (1971) Dawn Dixon https://youtu.be/80HFasr-lUo 79 Red Rubber Ball (1969) Cilla Black https://youtu.be/VhF0dyK6LVU 78 Heart of The Sunshine Coast (1978) Shorty Ranger https://youtu.be/RwRaANZ-NBs 77
Woobinda (Italian) (1978) Riccardo Zara con le Mele Verdi https://youtu.be/tPVP-XJ7lvs 76
Especially for You (2001) Kylie Minogue and Kermit the Frog https://youtu.be/WY7I4Qxl4Xw 75 Waltzing Matilda (1960) Enoch Light and His Orchestra https://youtu.be/pLuJVAywuRo
Prepare ye for an Uncool Yule with Dave’s Dud Xmas Discs, Dave Mulligan brings you a poorly thought out selection of Xmas goose that made the 50s, 60s & 70s what they are today.
These tracks will have you singing, dancing & maybe prancing. But you will feel the secret shame of Santa and wonder about the power of Xmas to compel this kind of music creation.
100% Xmas and 100% shameless, we love it.
Hooray For Santa Claus – Milton De Lugg & the Little Eskimos
Wonderful Day – The Chipmunks
Santa Teach Me To Dance – Debbie & The Darnells
Jingle Bell Imitations – Chubby Checker & Bobby Rydell
Monster’s Holiday – Buck Owens
Monster’s Holiday – Bobby Boris Pickett
Surfers Christmas List – Surfaris
Santa Bring Me Ringo – Christine Hunter (1964)
Where Were You Daddy? (When Santa got stuck in the chimney chute) – Christine Hunter (1964)
Buster Poindexter (David Johansen of New York Dolls notoriety) took time out from his lunch break while working on new songs with his band. Buster tells you how to dress, how to drink (a martini) and where to live (New York City).
But what do ABBA & Tom Jones have to do with it?
Buster was a regular on Saturday Night Live in the late 1980s as part of the house band. Where his high hair just seemed to be teased that little bit higher every Saturday night.
This interview was recorded for my Triple J breakfast show in 1990. Producer Simon Marnie can be heard recording the tape ID at the beginning, while playing with the tape’s speed controls.
David Johansen still does his Buster Poindexter shtick occasionally around the US and did released four albums under that name.
His sense of humour and ability to go with my unique line of questioning was very much appreciated.
And after hearing this, wouldn’t you want to go to the beach with Buster? Or at least the cocktail lounge?
Here is wonderfully 1980s clip with Micheal Keaton and plenty of finger clicking. Hit The Road Jack
The Record Store in Goulburn Street, Darlinghurst is where you find Stephan Gyory (after 11am, “we keep civilised hours here”) surrounded by vinyl records of almost every genre (“but we don’t want your old Trance or Prog vinyl”)
He’s been in the vinyl record trade since he started at BPM Records in Oxford St (above the old Army disposal store) in 1994. At one stage, in the late 90s, there were fourteen dance music record stores in Darlinghurst. Sometimes at night in Darlinghurst it’s now difficult to find fourteen people.
But Stephan is optimistic about the future of the Oxford St precinct. “I run the local Chamber of Commerce. I’m currently on the City of Sydney late-night advisory panel, which is looking at how to diversify nightlife.”
But is the Oxford St too far gone?
“We lost the Flinders and it came back. We lost Q Bar, but that place was going to fall through its own floor anyway, we lost The Shift, and it’s just been bought by a group that are going to reopen as a club. This area and the community here is very resilient. The thing about Oxford Street is if you walk up it, Yeah, it’s a bit tatty, but if you walk across it, you don’t notice, because there’s lots of really cool things around it.”
So how about some advice to anybody thinking of opening a record store in 2018?
“Don’t go back in time and open a record store in 2003 because the following ten years will be terrible.”
So why do you still do it, with your not-so-silent-enough partner?
“Fucked if I know! Vinyl turned the corner probably five years ago and that was a function of music becoming a utility. When music went to streaming it just became like water and electricity. I think people seek to have relationships with music beyond pure consumption and the utility model is just a consumption model. But why am I in retail. I don’t know.I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. But I am my own boss and I don’t have a mortgage, no kids, and it’s a very fun lifestyle.”
Stephan caters to most styles of music at The Record Store, but there is one type of person he won’t tolerate in his shop.
“We don’t serve audiophiles. I mean, they don’t come here because we’re a very pedestrian shop to the point where if someone comes to us with a collection of rare collectible vinyl, we’ll send them to another store. When I buy second-hand, I want to be able to sell it for not very much money. I want you to be able to come in and buy more than one album. I don’t want people coming in with magnifying glasses looking at the grooves because they’re a fucking pain in the ass. They might be very lovely people but I don’t have the time or patience. I think I’ve only ever had to kick three people out of this store in 20 years, and all three were like that.”
So you and your magnifying glass can tell your story walking.
But a final word on musical taste from Stephan.
“I used to be quite intolerant of music I wasn’t into. This music is better than that music and then recently some Liberace got through and into our rock and pop section. Ordinarily I would give that stuff to Vinnie’s. This young Chinese girl came in, a full vinyl junkie, she bought Barry Manilow, Liberace and Richard Clayderman, and I thought”, “you know what these records bring you joy, and you’re into this format as much as I am.” “Cool.”
Time for a serious Oxford Street lunch with Lance Leopard, but not till after an even more serious viewing of Valley of the Dolls, a movie Lance agrees is a “great starting point for any camp movie collection’.
Join Maynard as he visits Lance Leopard, high in his ivory tower of scuttlebutt, where all secrets are hidden and revealed, overlooking the inhospitable wilds of Darlinghurst.
Topics covered in this show include, Delilah, The Gibson Brothers, Madonna’s movie career, Jane Fonda, Liberace, Marilyn Monroe on the piano, Bill Collins, Village People, Claire de Lune, Joe Hasham and ABBA.
Lance declares two “stupid films” that should never have been made. While Maynard gets the best scene from Tank Girl wrong.
And the next time someone you know isn’t getting what you are saying, just do what Lance does, and ask them; “can you hear the drums Fernando?”.
Lance did have a few other things he wished to be quoted on;
“I’m glad you’re working hard on this show Maynard, I’m as lazy as Dean Martin.”
“I thought the Madonna film Body of Evidence was a great film in a genre I’ve made up called faux Hitchcock.”
“Madonna can act, when she’s directed well and she’s not the leading character.”
“My favourite Bond film is Moonraker, it’s James Bond in space AND Shirley Bassey belts out the theme song.”
“I ironed Neil Tenant’s pants once backstage because the Pet Shop Boys wardrobe assistant had gone missing at The Phoenix Bar on ecstasy or something. I blame the gays.”
“I have long arms, so it never looks like I’m taking a selfie. It looks like I’m just waving.”
“I’ve been called a gay icon, and I’ve been called worse.”
“Now a new audience has rediscovered me, I’m trapped with my quiff, my perfect eyebrows and my matte complexion.”
” Now that I’m older, I’ve realised timing and lighting is EVERYTHING.”
Enjoy your lunch with Lance, see you at the buffet….
It was with sadness I heard of the passing of Paul Gray. He was a great Musical Director across many genres and his work when on tour (with many unexpected challenges) always pulled a potentially difficult show into a good evening of entertainment.
His work with Waa Waa Nee is also an Australian pop legacy, that on the Totally 80s tour across Australia was very welcome every night.
He was always busy on tour, it was tough to find time for him to chat. He is here in this show from the 24 minute to 29 minute point of this show. Talking about the tour and the other 1980s bands that were the contemporaries of Waa Waa Nee. Recorded backstage during the Totally 80s Newcastle show at The Civic Theatre.
Lance Leopard is a gay icon and legendary gossip columnist from the glamorous 1990s of the Oxford Street strip, and beyond. Join us in Lance Leopard’s new spot. An ivory tower high above the fray, overlooking Darlinghurst, where secrets are both hidden and revealed.
During his tenure as chief gossip and stirrer of The Scene in his weekly columns in The Star Observer, Capital Q, Out Biz and more, he dished the dirt and smeared the eyeliner without fear or favour.
Lance even has celebrity advice for Dannii Minogue (a child superstar), Cybill Shepherd (selfish bitch) and his Mum (Ikeep my manners around her and try and teach her a few).
Join us for drinks won’t you?
I present short history of quotes from Lance Leopard;
“I can admit it now because I’m retired”
“People “remember” me doing all sorts of things. It might not have been me they actually remember. It could have been Sexy Galexy for all I know.”
“The more you do something, the better you get at it. Or else you’re always dreadful and no one will tell you.”
“Brisbane is like Baltimore, it’s one of those nutty little towns that just has its own thing.”
“I don’t know if I should say this.”
“If people are complaining there isn’t a scene. They can go out there and make one.”
“I liked it when my columns were in magazines people had to actually buy. I made more of an effort then.”
“Everybody has an opinion now days. But if it’s not an informed opinion, it’s a lousy opinion, and who needs to hear it?”
When asked at what point in history Lance would have liked to have lived;
“I would have picked the good years of Versailles. Before everybody got angry and started demanding cake.”
On the world of gossip a learned Lance quotes Ru Paul;
“What people say about you behind your back is none of your business.”
