Friends of Lance and Magnolia Leopard gathered at Palms in Oxford Street, Sydney to celebrate their lives. It was my honour to play a few tunes Lance seemed to like.
Hear the tributes as well. Enjoy as we did. “What a crowd, what a time…”.
Category Archives: Lance Leopard
Lance Leopard has left us just standing here.
All of our lives are just that little bit less glamorous today.
Life isn’t fair, but it probably isn’t a redhead either. To the boring injustice of life, Lance Leopard Esq would have said something like “Fuck you and fuck the public transport you rode here on”.
There are not many people who are so fabulous that even their mother had a drag name: the lovely Magnolia Leopard.
Some travel in style, some travel discreetly. Lance travelled both ways through the back alleys and laneways of Darlinghurst.
As Oscar Wilde (or was it Taylor Swift?) once said “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”. As Lance would say “No stupid, that’s the STAIRS. To the Taxi Club.”
Or Midnight Shift. Or DCM. Or whichever club his presence graced.
Lance was a delicate creature, as he often reported in his weekly Star Observer column. When he was seen with a nose bleed after coming out of the bathrooms at The Oxford Hotel it was obviously due to the sudden altitude change from going up the stairs to Gilligan’s. It’s just science people.
There are so many memories of Lance. Let me take you back to a time and place almost lost to history or even imagination: the early 1990s Mardi Gras parties. Imagine an almost empty VIP lounge at the end of the evening, sunlight unwelcomely poking itself through the blacked out windows.
Suddenly Lance spotted a small used zip lock bag among the evening’s party detritus on the floor. He dove on it as if it were a live grenade from which he had to save his buddies. And immediately poked half the contents into his mouth as I was saying “You really shouldn’t just …” then Gulp! he shoved the rest into my mouth. We ran downstairs to dance frantically to the last song of the party from DJ Mark Alsop. It was The Communards ‘Never can Say Goodbye’ (the Shep Pettibone Mix, you know, the good one).
What followed was one of the best out of body, soul enriching, mind expanding dancing for at least the next half hour. Which was odd, as the track is only 7 minutes long.
If there’s a moral to that story, let ME know sometime.
Lance had more recently adopted a healthy lifestyle, but he always had a very healthy love of fashion. He was a sharp dresser with an even sharper tongue. Some even today are still feeling the sting from one of his very blunt show reviews. Deserved or not.
Lance touched many people through his life and work, but mainly the hot ones. As he said “I don’t believe in the afterlife, but I’ve always believed with all my soul in the afterparty.”
Your name is on the door Lance, and save some of what you find on the floor for the rest of us …
Desperately Seeking Lance, podcast episode 2019
My Lunch With Lance Leopard, podcast, episode 2019
Lance Leopard Changes His Spot, podcast episode 2019
A Tribute to Doris Goddard by Lance Leopard 2019
A Very “2020” Maynard Xmas
2020 as a year was a real shit show. So to deserves a shit show to send it off.
Join Maynard, Tim Ferguson, George Hrab, Lance Leopard, The Darbys, Brigitte Handley, Tony Push, DJ Mark Alsop (& Boo), Richard Saunders, Christopher Laird, Who Are These Podcasts and many other people who should know better.
A Very Recalcitrant Xmas 2019
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Tim Ferguson and Maynard bring you A Very Recalcitrant Xmas 2019, the Xmas show that doesn’t really want to be here.
Tim wants Lego for Xmas, Maynard doesn’t even want Xmas for Xmas.
Ferguson has his usually spot on predictions for next year, remember he has correctly called every Australian election this century.
To help along the way we have podcast friends from around the world dropping in to make this the most recalcitrant show of your festive season.
Lance Leopard, The Darbys, Karl & Andy from Who Are These Podcasts?, George Hrab, Christopher Laird & Tony Push all bring us their reality of Xmas. See if it matches yours.
From all here at Planet Maynard we wish you A Very Recalcitrant Xmas 2019
The Isotopes Xmas groove on Soundcloud
The Very Barry Crocker Xmas show from 1989
George Hrab with his Geologic podcast
Tune into Who Are These Podcasts?
U Gotta See This! Can’t Stop The Music (1980)
Movie buff Lance Leopard and movie bluffer Maynard present the greatest disco musical starring Olympian Bruce Jenner & Village People CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC (1980)
Tuesday night 3rd September at Red Bar.
Lance and Maynard both have what can only be described as an intimate knowledge of this musical. They’ll combine their knowledge for what will be a unique group viewing experience, U Gotta See This!
Maynard supports Village People, Enmore Theatre 2005
Maynard promises great Village People stories and clips from his pop culture collection of disco.
Maynard’s Loveshack 4 – August 17th, Red Bar
If you like your retro sounds eclectic, this is the night for you. Maynard, the retro DJ behind the Madd Club and Lance Leopard the guy behind all sorts of Oxford St antics in the 90s, present a night of shameless sounds that celebrate the pop and pretentiousness of the late 20th century.
DJ TC will be playing his Australia vs England set from 8pm. As exciting as Eurovision!
His Highness of Camp, Lance Leopard will be choosing the music from 9pm and will keep making an entrance, till he is noticed. He will make himself available to anyone who wants to debate his choice of music.
Come along, dress nice, and check your cool at the door!
Desperately Seeking Lance
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Those desperately seeking Lance Leopard need listen no further than this podcast as Lance returns to talk all things fashion, faux pas and fabulousness.
Maynard is desperately seeking legendary Oxford St legend Lance Leopard in his credenza filled rooftop garden ivory tower of gossip. There are movies, dancing, some singing, and of course talk of Madonna and Elizabeth Taylor.
Lance recommends a few lesser known Elizabeth Taylor movies for us as well as reciting by heart her complete range of fragrances.
Listener mail has Lance answering questions on…
Fashion mistakes he has made: “I don’t know what you are talking about”.
The cyclical nature of fashion: “The 1980s has already come and gone three times already this century. Things can come into fashion for one evening now, if someone has a good enough party.”
If you’d like to join Lance Leopard and myself at Barbarella on June 4 at Red Bar, details and tickets are here.
Lance also finds time (as his mother is staying with him) to review the recently renovated Midnight Shift, now known as the Universal. But he still has a soft spot for The Palms (previously Scooters) as he used to DJ there regularly.
The next Loveshack comes your way for your complete cocktail dancing experience on Saturday 22nd June. Facebook event here.
Although Lance’s claim of a needle mark on Marilyn Monroe’s body after death isn’t on the 1962 coroner’s report, her toxicology report does raise some questions that weren’t answered.
Lance didn’t like madonna’s 2012 fragrance or the bottle it came in. Make up your mind about the bottle.
Lunch with Lance Leopard
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Time for a serious Oxford Street lunch with Lance Leopard, but not till after an even more serious viewing of Valley of the Dolls, a movie Lance agrees is a “great starting point for any camp movie collection’.
Join Maynard as he visits Lance Leopard, high in his ivory tower of scuttlebutt, where all secrets are hidden and revealed, overlooking the inhospitable wilds of Darlinghurst.
Topics covered in this show include, Delilah, The Gibson Brothers, Madonna’s movie career, Jane Fonda, Liberace, Marilyn Monroe on the piano, Bill Collins, Village People, Claire de Lune, Joe Hasham and ABBA.
Lance declares two “stupid films” that should never have been made. While Maynard gets the best scene from Tank Girl wrong.
And the next time someone you know isn’t getting what you are saying, just do what Lance does, and ask them; “can you hear the drums Fernando?”.
Lance did have a few other things he wished to be quoted on;
“I’m glad you’re working hard on this show Maynard, I’m as lazy as Dean Martin.”
“I thought the Madonna film Body of Evidence was a great film in a genre I’ve made up called faux Hitchcock.”
“Madonna can act, when she’s directed well and she’s not the leading character.”
“My favourite Bond film is Moonraker, it’s James Bond in space AND Shirley Bassey belts out the theme song.”
“I ironed Neil Tenant’s pants once backstage because the Pet Shop Boys wardrobe assistant had gone missing at The Phoenix Bar on ecstasy or something. I blame the gays.”
“I have long arms, so it never looks like I’m taking a selfie. It looks like I’m just waving.”
“I’ve been called a gay icon, and I’ve been called worse.”
“Now a new audience has rediscovered me, I’m trapped with my quiff, my perfect eyebrows and my matte complexion.”
” Now that I’m older, I’ve realised timing and lighting is EVERYTHING.”
Enjoy your lunch with Lance, see you at the buffet….
Maynard’s 1989 interview with Jackie O’Sullivan of Bananrama during their Australian tour
Madonna in Lance’s favourite scene from Dick Tracey, love that dialogue.
