Friends of Lance and Magnolia Leopard gathered at Palms in Oxford Street, Sydney to celebrate their lives. It was my honour to play a few tunes Lance seemed to like.
Hear the tributes as well. Enjoy as we did. “What a crowd, what a time…”.
Tag Archives: 90s
Lance Leopard has left us just standing here.
All of our lives are just that little bit less glamorous today.
Life isn’t fair, but it probably isn’t a redhead either. To the boring injustice of life, Lance Leopard Esq would have said something like “Fuck you and fuck the public transport you rode here on”.
There are not many people who are so fabulous that even their mother had a drag name: the lovely Magnolia Leopard.
Some travel in style, some travel discreetly. Lance travelled both ways through the back alleys and laneways of Darlinghurst.
As Oscar Wilde (or was it Taylor Swift?) once said “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”. As Lance would say “No stupid, that’s the STAIRS. To the Taxi Club.”
Or Midnight Shift. Or DCM. Or whichever club his presence graced.
Lance was a delicate creature, as he often reported in his weekly Star Observer column. When he was seen with a nose bleed after coming out of the bathrooms at The Oxford Hotel it was obviously due to the sudden altitude change from going up the stairs to Gilligan’s. It’s just science people.
There are so many memories of Lance. Let me take you back to a time and place almost lost to history or even imagination: the early 1990s Mardi Gras parties. Imagine an almost empty VIP lounge at the end of the evening, sunlight unwelcomely poking itself through the blacked out windows.
Suddenly Lance spotted a small used zip lock bag among the evening’s party detritus on the floor. He dove on it as if it were a live grenade from which he had to save his buddies. And immediately poked half the contents into his mouth as I was saying “You really shouldn’t just …” then Gulp! he shoved the rest into my mouth. We ran downstairs to dance frantically to the last song of the party from DJ Mark Alsop. It was The Communards ‘Never can Say Goodbye’ (the Shep Pettibone Mix, you know, the good one).
What followed was one of the best out of body, soul enriching, mind expanding dancing for at least the next half hour. Which was odd, as the track is only 7 minutes long.
If there’s a moral to that story, let ME know sometime.
Lance had more recently adopted a healthy lifestyle, but he always had a very healthy love of fashion. He was a sharp dresser with an even sharper tongue. Some even today are still feeling the sting from one of his very blunt show reviews. Deserved or not.
Lance touched many people through his life and work, but mainly the hot ones. As he said “I don’t believe in the afterlife, but I’ve always believed with all my soul in the afterparty.”
Your name is on the door Lance, and save some of what you find on the floor for the rest of us …
Desperately Seeking Lance, podcast episode 2019
My Lunch With Lance Leopard, podcast, episode 2019
Lance Leopard Changes His Spot, podcast episode 2019
A Tribute to Doris Goddard by Lance Leopard 2019
Brain Freeze – video livestream The Coldest 100, 2024 Saturday 29th June
Prepare yourself for the video livestream of the warmest parts of The Coldest 100, 2024.
Maynard hosts a video livestream of Australia’s own Coldest 100 – 2024. Saturday 29th June 8.15-9.30pm. Mostly picked by Andrew Sholl, it will feature world class musical shonk that only Australia can produce.
The Coldest 100 is songs about Australia, that sometimes don’t work out that well…
Expect to see Don Lane, Barry Crocker, Donnie & Marie, Cilla Black, John Farnham, Charo, Kahmahl and a lot of kangaroos (again) doing their bit to get on the show.
Hopefully we’ll have quest appearances from my fellow Aussie travellers Tim Ferguson, Tony Push, that guy in Orange, Brigitte Handley and the man in a tree.
See you then! Mate…..
Link to video livestream active from 8.15pm Saturday (10.15 UTC) 29th June
Watch the 2023 epic Brain Freeze shows
Tim Ferguson is Dr Frank-N-Furter, Rocky Horror Show 1998
August 1998, Tim Ferguson visits Jumpstart, the Maynard breakfast show on Channel v on Foxtel to promote his performance as Dr Frank-N-Furter in The Rocky Horror Show that just opened at Star Casino in Sydney.
Enjoy the milestone 50th Bunga Bunga show with Tim and Maynard
Kellogg’s Banana Mini-Wheats ad 1995
That time in November 1995 when Australian television changed forever, as I lent my considerable gravitas to Banana Mini-Wheats. All my own stunts.
Australia’s Coldest 100 – 2024
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Australia’s Coldest 100 returns for 2024 this Saturday 27th January with @ozkitsch presenting 100 tunes you won’t find easily anywhere on any continent.
Just look at this list of artists that Andrew Sholl has curated that you’ll never again see on the same list. This is Andrew’s eighth Coldest 100 and he doesn’t see Farnham clips running out anytime soon.
The 2024 Coldest 100 brings you Barnsey, Alexander Downer, Tiny Tim, Cilla Black and a rubber chicken.
If that isn’t enough to incite your antipodean awkwardness, well, bugger ya.
After all, anyone can put together a list of the latest good songs. It takes a certain kind of expert like Andrew Sholl to put together 100 songs of Australian musical hoo-haa for 8 years in a row now.
This is a version of You Are The Voice you may enjoy, or not…
Andrew Sholl
It will all be going down from 10am Saturday 27th January on X and Instagram @Ozkitsch Andrew Sholl shows no sign of ever stopping his annual festival of Aussie awkwardness. So lean into it.
.
Look and listen to The Coldest 100 2020
Look and listen to The Coldest 100 2021
Maynard plays you some video clips from The Coldest 100 2022
Maynard plays you some video clips from The Coldest 100 2023
A Very Maynard Xmas 2023 audio podcast version
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Here’s the audio version of the Xmas show this year. To enjoy the full immersive cheapo experience, watch the show on the previous page. But enjoy both, it’s Shatmas.
A Very Maynard Xmas is the highlight of the year for people who don’t get out a lot. It’s just like an old style Xmas variety show, but without the style, or the show.
Our guests dropping by this year include Tim Ferguson getting a surprise gift, Lesley Fountain dancing with a choir, Brigitte Handley hanging out with some creepy German dolls, Christopher Laird eating some sort of donut, Tony Push reading his Bowie inspired Xmas poem, George Hrab becoming a super hero, Rob and Roy Darby supplying some quality original music and other people who should have something better to do at this time of year.
A Very Maynard Xmas 2023 promises you almost an hour of Xmas entertainment that you will only have yourself to blame for. Musically the show has everything from David Essex to The Gibson Brothers and Lulu. Plus a monkey washing a cat.
Watch the video of A Very Maynard Xmas 2023
Watch A Very Maynard Xmas 2022
Watch A Very Maynard Xmas 2023 (in Cheap-O-Scope) Saturday, 2nd December.
Join me Maynard for A Very Maynard Xmas 2023, my frugal festive video livestream from my enchanted Xmas grotto for the annual extravaganza of shamelessness. This year in Cheap-O-Scope!
Use this link on Saturday 2nd December from 8.15pm Sydney (9.15 UTC)
Yuletide guests include Tim Ferguson, Lesley Fountain (the dancin’ fool), George Hrab, Brigitte Handley and notorious Communist teddy bear lawyer Noam Chomsky.
“We choose to do these things because they are cheap, as am I”
This year the show is on a budget and has no crew, but you will be amazed what I do with old string and a piece of tinsel. There will be choral music, but Lesley Fountain (Glenn Keenan) will be showing you some dance moves that will have those pesky singers off your lawn in no time.
So this year the video livestream is ALL about hastily conceived gift ideas for people you don’t even like.
A Very Maynard Xmas 2023 happens on Saturday December 2nd at https://www.mixcloud.com/live/dj-maynard/ with a pre show starting at 8.15pm (9.15 UTC). It’s free to watch and you can join all the fun in the live chatroom so be in on it.
Watch A Very Maynard Xmas 2022
Sunday Afternoon Fever 17.10.1993 – Kirk Pengilly
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30 years ago this week, on a Sunday far, far away Sunday Afternoon Fever blasted across the 1993 landscape of Australia on Triple J…
Kirk Pengilly, world famous saxophonist from INXS was my special guest taking questions from live callers Molly, Lance, Rick, Damien, Jenny, Claire (Darwin), Fran (Syd), Melissa (Melb), David, Liz (Melb), Craig, Claire (Manly Vale), Erika, Elaine (Melb), David (Syd), Elvis Presley (Newcastle), Big Dave (Kempsey), Sam, Melissa, Luke, Vanessa and Paul (Brisbane). INXS latest album at the time was Full Moon, Dirty Hearts.
Their questions for Kirk Pengilly range from “What new bands do you like?” (Juice & You Am I) to “Do you remember what happened at the Kempsey RSL that night you supported Richard Clapton in 1980?”. (Let’s just say no bands were allowed there for a few years after the “incident”). Kirk turns up on the show 1 hour 55 minutes in.
Listen to INXS at the 1992 Concert for Life, make up your own mind.
Other world altering events that afternoon include Steve in Adelaide forgetting to tape The Late Show last night. Lance & The Hollywood Kids gossiping about George Micheal, Rosanne, Corey Ham, Sharon Stone plus the shocking revelation that Brooke Shields was seen buying a book.
Crappy New Releases from Dr Ektomy and Mario Lanza. While Maynard’s mastermind finds Andrew wiping the floor with all the other contestants to win not only the new Duran Duran album, BUT also a picture of Nick Kershaw.
Always in step with international politics, I put in a call to order some new furniture for Boris Yeltsin. You know, just to be helpful.
I report on the Soloway sisters latest production from the opening night in LA Not Without My Nipples. Starring Janeane Garofalo, who was nice enough to give me a lift back to my hotel. Thanks for that.
Review of Not Without My Nipples in Variety.
But what snappy tunes are on the show Maynard? I hear you ask.
Pet Shop Boys – Normally I Wouldn’t Do This Kind of Thing
Weddings, Parties, Anything – Mondays Experts
Electric Hippies – It’s Cool
General Public – Tenderness
Ren & Stimpy – Happy Happy Joy Joy
Special AKA – Free Nelson Mandela
Mr Floppy – Wuthering Heights
New Order – World
Hoodoo Gurus – The Right Time
Weird Al Yankovic – Jurassic Park
Cocteau Twins – Iceblink Luck
Kate Bush – Eat The Music
Salt N Pepa – Shoop
Tom Jones – It’s Not Unusual
Pet Shop Boys – Go West
Freaky Realistic – Leonard Nimoy
Ice Cream Hands – You Can Smile Now
Prince – Peach
Denis Leary – Asshole
Strange Tenants – Soldier Boy
Weird Al Yankovic – Bedrock Anthem
Radiohead – Creep
Barbara Feldon – 99
Violent Femmes – Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?
Terence Trent D’Arby – Delicate
Juice Masters – Brady Bunch
Miki Howard – Ain’t Nobody Like You
INXS featuring Jenny Morris – Jackson
Donny Hathaway What’s Going On
INXS – Need You Tonight (Ben Liebrand remix)
Guy Delandro – Old Country Lanes
INXS – Simple Simon
Trey Lorenz – Wipe All My Tears Away
Fits Of Gloom – To Love
Yothu Yindi – World Turning
Stan – Suntan
Weird Al Yankovic- Achy Breaky Song
Apache Indian – Boom Shak A Lak
Weird Al Yankovic – Bohemian Polka
So there!!
Watch the claymation video for Weird Al Yankovic’s Jurassic Park
Special thanks to the work of Phil the work experience producer filling in for the day, Justine Lynch and all Triple J in 1993.
Sunday Afternoon Fever 11.7.1993 – Live from a toilet in Ultimo
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30 years to the month after the original broadcast, here’s Sunday Afternoon Fever, Maynard’s Triple J show from a public toilet in Ultimo for no apparent reason with The Andy 500, Rob Clarkson, and Melissa Tkautz. Even Simon Day sticks his head in.
There’s live music in front of a live studio audience. We even get into some True Crime (at 35 minutes) with a heartfelt plea from Simon of Redfern for his stolen trombone. A very emotional moment for all.
“Really big toilet you’ve got here Maynard.”
Simon Day, 11th July 1993
The Andy 500 dressed up smart and wowed the live audience with their smooth sounds (at around 1 hour 7 minutes). They played four songs including Too Close For Comfort, I Love Your Brain and Touch Me.
Lance of The Hollywood Kids (40 minutes in) goes to the opening of new LA club Babylon and spots Cher, Shannon Doherty, Tori Spelling and James Woods. And you’ll never guess who his dinner date was…..
“Things are getting, really, really WEIRD here Maynard.”
Lance of The Hollywood Kids 11.7.1993 (about 2.49pm)
Melissa Tkautz was about to have a guest stint on Paradise Beach as the resident bitch character. She joins us for a chat (about 1 hour 57 minutes in) and you can imagine how the live audience was wary of a soap star coming on a Triple J show. But a really interesting phenomenon happened as I noted many times in my career. As soon as Melissa entered the studio and talked off air to the audience and was as highly professional as she always is, the crowd fell silent. No smarty bum comments, no looking down their noses at a pop star. It’s as if they realised she was actually talented as well as an actual person. She and Simon Day had a great old chin wag in the green room. She introduces her new single, Is It?
There’s Crappy New Releases (1 hour 50 minutes in), Maynard’s Mastermind Quiz (in which you can win a bow and arrow set to injure the child of your choice) and group Love Boat karaoke. It was a mint afternoon all round.
Join us in this show, the day when Pray by Take That was number one in the UK. In Australia, it was UB40 with Can’t Help Falling in Love. Neither of which are played on this show. But the Triple J feature album is from Paul Westerburg.
You WILL hear music from Matthew Sweet, Def FX, XTC, Straitjacket Fits, Phunk Junkeez and even Jimeoin.
Also the regular (very) odd couple segment of Richard Kingsmill dropping in live ( at around 1 hour 35 minutes) to give a hot take on a very early Burt Bacharach tune from his personal collection.
This tape doesn’t even cover all the show. Digital audio tapes were expensive in 1993, but I recorded this myself because Triple J wasn’t (and probably still isn’t) in the business of archiving most of their content.
So, get down in your underpants and pray to the Church of the Funky Chicken. It’s time for Sunday Afternoon Fever, July 11th, 1993.
Thanks to all our studio guests and especially the live studio audience for singing along with the Loveboat Theme.
Special thanks to the very professional Triple J Producer Anne-Maree Sargeant, Justine Lynch, Scott Whyte, all the studio 227 engineering crew and all at Triple J in 1993.
Sunday Afternoon Fever featuring Sultans of Ping FC
Sunday Afternoon Fever featuring Kate Ceberano
