It’s a “cavalcade of clever” on A Very Maynard Xmas 2024. We’ve made it our most expensive low budget Xmas special ever from Maynard International Studios. For a change, there is also some real talent on the show this year. Plus more loud suits than ever! AND a magpie.
This year the show comes live with guests on stage at Maynard International Studios. Lesley Fountain brings his finest 60s go-go dancing to our shonky stage, Brigitte Handley shows off her new German boyfriend, Christopher Laird shows us his house, Tony Push reads his Kylie Minogue inspired Xmas poem, George Hrab has a track from his new Stocking Stuffer album, Roy Darby impresses everyone with a live set on the main shonky stage and Chris Kelly from Ship O Fools juggles and almost has a groin strain.
Yes, it’s another end of year Maynard video show special that makes all the other shows look so awfully “professional” and “capable”.
Watch the festive foolish farce that is A Very Maynard Xmas 2024
A Very Maynard Xmas 2024 promises you an hour of Xmas entertainment for which you will only have yourself to blame. Musically the show has everything from rockabilly to Kylie Minogue and Village People. Plus a really unimpressed magpie.
Roy Darby isn’t so sure about this whole Maynard International Studios thing.
Chris Kelly from Ship O Fools risks his crotch for your entertainment.
Lesley Fountain dances his soul out for you.
David Hodo is top of our Xmas tree for 2024
Richard Saunders is the entire camera crew once again for A Very Maynard Xmas.
Friends of Lance and Magnolia Leopard gathered at Palms in Oxford Street, Sydney to celebrate their lives. It was my honour to play a few tunes Lance seemed to like.
Hear the tributes as well. Enjoy as we did. “What a crowd, what a time…”.
All of our lives are just that little bit less glamorous today.
Life isn’t fair, but it probably isn’t a redhead either. To the boring injustice of life, Lance Leopard Esq would have said something like “Fuck you and fuck the public transport you rode here on”.
There are not many people who are so fabulous that even their mother had a drag name: the lovely Magnolia Leopard.
Some travel in style, some travel discreetly. Lance travelled both ways through the back alleys and laneways of Darlinghurst.
As Oscar Wilde (or was it Taylor Swift?) once said “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”. As Lance would say “No stupid, that’s the STAIRS. To the Taxi Club.”
Or Midnight Shift. Or DCM. Or whichever club his presence graced.
Lance was a delicate creature, as he often reported in his weekly Star Observer column. When he was seen with a nose bleed after coming out of the bathrooms at The Oxford Hotel it was obviously due to the sudden altitude change from going up the stairs to Gilligan’s. It’s just science people.
Lance Leopard & Maynard with ray gun at the ready for their Barbarella movie screening. 2019.
There are so many memories of Lance. Let me take you back to a time and place almost lost to history or even imagination: the early 1990s Mardi Gras parties. Imagine an almost empty VIP lounge at the end of the evening, sunlight unwelcomely poking itself through the blacked out windows.
Suddenly Lance spotted a small used zip lock bag among the evening’s party detritus on the floor. He dove on it as if it were a live grenade from which he had to save his buddies. And immediately poked half the contents into his mouth as I was saying “You really shouldn’t just …” then Gulp! he shoved the rest into my mouth. We ran downstairs to dance frantically to the last song of the party from DJ Mark Alsop. It was The Communards ‘Never can Say Goodbye’ (the Shep Pettibone Mix, you know, the good one).
What followed was one of the best out of body, soul enriching, mind expanding dancing for at least the next half hour. Which was odd, as the track is only 7 minutes long.
If there’s a moral to that story, let ME know sometime.
Lance had more recently adopted a healthy lifestyle, but he always had a very healthy love of fashion. He was a sharp dresser with an even sharper tongue. Some even today are still feeling the sting from one of his very blunt show reviews. Deserved or not.
Lance touched many people through his life and work, but mainly the hot ones. As he said “I don’t believe in the afterlife, but I’ve always believed with all my soul in the afterparty.”
Your name is on the door Lance, and save some of what you find on the floor for the rest of us …
Lance Leopard finds himself in an emotional backwater taking a ride in Maynard’s cardboard rocket at Loveshack nightclub. 2019
Prepare yourself for the video livestream of the warmest parts of The Coldest 100, 2024.
Maynard hosts a video livestream of Australia’s own Coldest 100 – 2024. Saturday 29th June 8.15-9.30pm. Mostly picked by Andrew Sholl, it will feature world class musical shonk that only Australia can produce.
The Coldest 100 is songs about Australia, that sometimes don’t work out that well…
Expect to see Don Lane, Barry Crocker, Donnie & Marie, Cilla Black, John Farnham, Charo, Kahmahl and a lot of kangaroos (again) doing their bit to get on the show.
Hopefully we’ll have quest appearances from my fellow Aussie travellers Tim Ferguson, Tony Push, that guy in Orange, Brigitte Handley and the man in a tree.
August 1998, Tim Ferguson visits Jumpstart, the Maynard breakfast show on Channel v on Foxtel to promote his performance as Dr Frank-N-Furter in The Rocky Horror Show that just opened at Star Casino in Sydney.
“Come for me Maynard!” Tim Ferguson on Foxtel 1998
Tim and the 1998 Rocky Horror Show cast on Today Tonight
Australia’s Coldest 100 returns for 2024 this Saturday 27th January with @ozkitsch presenting 100 tunes you won’t find easily anywhere on any continent.
Just look at this list of artists that Andrew Sholl has curated that you’ll never again see on the same list. This is Andrew’s eighth Coldest 100 and he doesn’t see Farnham clips running out anytime soon.
The 2024 Coldest 100 brings you Barnsey, Alexander Downer, Tiny Tim, Cilla Black and a rubber chicken.
If that isn’t enough to incite your antipodean awkwardness, well, bugger ya.
After all, anyone can put together a list of the latest good songs. It takes a certain kind of expert like Andrew Sholl to put together 100 songs of Australian musical hoo-haa for 8 years in a row now.
This is a version of You Are The Voice you may enjoy, or not…
Andrew Sholl
It will all be going down from 10am Saturday 27th January on X and Instagram @Ozkitsch Andrew Sholl shows no sign of ever stopping his annual festival of Aussie awkwardness. So lean into it.
Here’s the audio version of the Xmas show this year. To enjoy the full immersive cheapo experience, watch the show on the previous page. But enjoy both, it’s Shatmas.
A Very Maynard Xmas is the highlight of the year for people who don’t get out a lot. It’s just like an old style Xmas variety show, but without the style, or the show.
Our guests dropping by this year include Tim Ferguson getting a surprise gift, Lesley Fountain dancing with a choir, Brigitte Handley hanging out with some creepy German dolls, Christopher Laird eating some sort of donut, Tony Push reading his Bowie inspired Xmas poem, George Hrab becoming a super hero, Rob and Roy Darby supplying some quality original music and other people who should have something better to do at this time of year.
A Very Maynard Xmas 2023 promises you almost an hour of Xmas entertainment that you will only have yourself to blame for. Musically the show has everything from David Essex to The Gibson Brothers and Lulu. Plus a monkey washing a cat.
Tim Ferguson doesn’t seem too keen on the present Maynard got him for Xmas
A Very Maynard Xmas 2023 gift. A Golden Girls metal lunchbox
Lulu is the performer who will save the day on this year’s A Very Maynard Xmas
Tim Ferguson and I let you know what you can expect. You will have trouble describing it yourself.
Join me Maynard for A Very Maynard Xmas 2023, my frugal festive video livestream from my enchanted Xmas grotto for the annual extravaganza of shamelessness. This year in Cheap-O-Scope!
Yuletide guests include Tim Ferguson, Lesley Fountain (the dancin’ fool), George Hrab, Brigitte Handley and notorious Communist teddy bear lawyer Noam Chomsky.
“We choose to do these things because they are cheap, as am I”
This year the show is on a budget and has no crew, but you will be amazed what I do with old string and a piece of tinsel. There will be choral music, but Lesley Fountain (Glenn Keenan) will be showing you some dance moves that will have those pesky singers off your lawn in no time.
So this year the video livestream is ALL about hastily conceived gift ideas for people you don’t even like.
A Very Maynard Xmas 2023 happens on Saturday December 2nd at https://www.mixcloud.com/live/dj-maynard/ with a pre show starting at 8.15pm (9.15 UTC). It’s free to watch and you can join all the fun in the live chatroom so be in on it.
Tim Ferguson and I promise you a Cheap-O-Scope Xmas 2023Maynard with co hosts on A Very Maynard Xmas 2022, this year even cheaper.
30 years ago this week, on a Sunday far, far away Sunday Afternoon Fever blasted across the 1993 landscape of Australia on Triple J…
Kirk Pengilly, world famous saxophonist from INXS was my special guest taking questions from live callers Molly, Lance, Rick, Damien, Jenny, Claire (Darwin), Fran (Syd), Melissa (Melb), David, Liz (Melb), Craig, Claire (Manly Vale), Erika, Elaine (Melb), David (Syd), Elvis Presley (Newcastle), Big Dave (Kempsey), Sam, Melissa, Luke, Vanessa and Paul (Brisbane). INXS latest album at the time was Full Moon, Dirty Hearts.
Their questions for Kirk Pengilly range from “What new bands do you like?” (Juice & You Am I) to “Do you remember what happened at the Kempsey RSL that night you supported Richard Clapton in 1980?”. (Let’s just say no bands were allowed there for a few years after the “incident”). Kirk turns up on the show 1 hour 55 minutes in.
INXS with their first single Simple Simon on Simon Townsend’s Wonderworld in 1980.
Other world altering events that afternoon include Steve in Adelaide forgetting to tape The Late Show last night. Lance & The Hollywood Kids gossiping about George Micheal, Rosanne, Corey Ham, Sharon Stone plus the shocking revelation that Brooke Shields was seen buying a book.
Crappy New Releases from Dr Ektomy and Mario Lanza. While Maynard’s mastermind finds Andrew wiping the floor with all the other contestants to win not only the new Duran Duran album, BUT also a picture of Nick Kershaw.
Always in step with international politics, I put in a call to order some new furniture for Boris Yeltsin. You know, just to be helpful.
I report on the Soloway sisters latest production from the opening night in LA Not Without My Nipples. Starring Janeane Garofalo, who was nice enough to give me a lift back to my hotel. Thanks for that.
But what snappy tunes are on the show Maynard? I hear you ask.
Pet Shop Boys – Normally I Wouldn’t Do This Kind of Thing Weddings, Parties, Anything – Mondays Experts Electric Hippies – It’s Cool General Public – Tenderness Ren & Stimpy – Happy Happy Joy Joy Special AKA – Free Nelson Mandela Mr Floppy – Wuthering Heights New Order – World Hoodoo Gurus – The Right Time Weird Al Yankovic – Jurassic Park Cocteau Twins – Iceblink Luck Kate Bush – Eat The Music Salt N Pepa – Shoop Tom Jones – It’s Not Unusual Pet Shop Boys – Go West Freaky Realistic – Leonard Nimoy Ice Cream Hands – You Can Smile Now Prince – Peach Denis Leary – Asshole Strange Tenants – Soldier Boy Weird Al Yankovic – Bedrock Anthem Radiohead – Creep Barbara Feldon – 99 Violent Femmes – Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? Terence Trent D’Arby – Delicate Juice Masters – Brady Bunch Miki Howard – Ain’t Nobody Like You INXS featuring Jenny Morris – Jackson Donny Hathaway What’s Going On INXS – Need You Tonight (Ben Liebrand remix) Guy Delandro – Old Country Lanes INXS – Simple Simon Trey Lorenz – Wipe All My Tears Away Fits Of Gloom – To Love Yothu Yindi – World Turning Stan – Suntan Weird Al Yankovic- Achy Breaky Song Apache Indian – Boom Shak A Lak Weird Al Yankovic – Bohemian Polka
