Friends of Lance and Magnolia Leopard gathered at Palms in Oxford Street, Sydney to celebrate their lives. It was my honour to play a few tunes Lance seemed to like.
Hear the tributes as well. Enjoy as we did. “What a crowd, what a time…”.
Tag Archives: Lance Leopard
Lance Leopard has left us just standing here.
All of our lives are just that little bit less glamorous today.
Life isn’t fair, but it probably isn’t a redhead either. To the boring injustice of life, Lance Leopard Esq would have said something like “Fuck you and fuck the public transport you rode here on”.
There are not many people who are so fabulous that even their mother had a drag name: the lovely Magnolia Leopard.
Some travel in style, some travel discreetly. Lance travelled both ways through the back alleys and laneways of Darlinghurst.
As Oscar Wilde (or was it Taylor Swift?) once said “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”. As Lance would say “No stupid, that’s the STAIRS. To the Taxi Club.”
Or Midnight Shift. Or DCM. Or whichever club his presence graced.
Lance was a delicate creature, as he often reported in his weekly Star Observer column. When he was seen with a nose bleed after coming out of the bathrooms at The Oxford Hotel it was obviously due to the sudden altitude change from going up the stairs to Gilligan’s. It’s just science people.
There are so many memories of Lance. Let me take you back to a time and place almost lost to history or even imagination: the early 1990s Mardi Gras parties. Imagine an almost empty VIP lounge at the end of the evening, sunlight unwelcomely poking itself through the blacked out windows.
Suddenly Lance spotted a small used zip lock bag among the evening’s party detritus on the floor. He dove on it as if it were a live grenade from which he had to save his buddies. And immediately poked half the contents into his mouth as I was saying “You really shouldn’t just …” then Gulp! he shoved the rest into my mouth. We ran downstairs to dance frantically to the last song of the party from DJ Mark Alsop. It was The Communards ‘Never can Say Goodbye’ (the Shep Pettibone Mix, you know, the good one).
What followed was one of the best out of body, soul enriching, mind expanding dancing for at least the next half hour. Which was odd, as the track is only 7 minutes long.
If there’s a moral to that story, let ME know sometime.
Lance had more recently adopted a healthy lifestyle, but he always had a very healthy love of fashion. He was a sharp dresser with an even sharper tongue. Some even today are still feeling the sting from one of his very blunt show reviews. Deserved or not.
Lance touched many people through his life and work, but mainly the hot ones. As he said “I don’t believe in the afterlife, but I’ve always believed with all my soul in the afterparty.”
Your name is on the door Lance, and save some of what you find on the floor for the rest of us …
Desperately Seeking Lance, podcast episode 2019
My Lunch With Lance Leopard, podcast, episode 2019
Lance Leopard Changes His Spot, podcast episode 2019
A Tribute to Doris Goddard by Lance Leopard 2019
A Very “2020” Maynard Xmas
2020 as a year was a real shit show. So to deserves a shit show to send it off.
Join Maynard, Tim Ferguson, George Hrab, Lance Leopard, The Darbys, Brigitte Handley, Tony Push, DJ Mark Alsop (& Boo), Richard Saunders, Christopher Laird, Who Are These Podcasts and many other people who should know better.
A Very Recalcitrant Xmas 2019
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Tim Ferguson and Maynard bring you A Very Recalcitrant Xmas 2019, the Xmas show that doesn’t really want to be here.
Tim wants Lego for Xmas, Maynard doesn’t even want Xmas for Xmas.
Ferguson has his usually spot on predictions for next year, remember he has correctly called every Australian election this century.
To help along the way we have podcast friends from around the world dropping in to make this the most recalcitrant show of your festive season.
Lance Leopard, The Darbys, Karl & Andy from Who Are These Podcasts?, George Hrab, Christopher Laird & Tony Push all bring us their reality of Xmas. See if it matches yours.
From all here at Planet Maynard we wish you A Very Recalcitrant Xmas 2019
The Isotopes Xmas groove on Soundcloud
The Very Barry Crocker Xmas show from 1989
George Hrab with his Geologic podcast
Tune into Who Are These Podcasts?
Desperately Seeking Lance
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Those desperately seeking Lance Leopard need listen no further than this podcast as Lance returns to talk all things fashion, faux pas and fabulousness.
Maynard is desperately seeking legendary Oxford St legend Lance Leopard in his credenza filled rooftop garden ivory tower of gossip. There are movies, dancing, some singing, and of course talk of Madonna and Elizabeth Taylor.
Lance recommends a few lesser known Elizabeth Taylor movies for us as well as reciting by heart her complete range of fragrances.
Listener mail has Lance answering questions on…
Fashion mistakes he has made: “I don’t know what you are talking about”.
The cyclical nature of fashion: “The 1980s has already come and gone three times already this century. Things can come into fashion for one evening now, if someone has a good enough party.”
If you’d like to join Lance Leopard and myself at Barbarella on June 4 at Red Bar, details and tickets are here.
Lance also finds time (as his mother is staying with him) to review the recently renovated Midnight Shift, now known as the Universal. But he still has a soft spot for The Palms (previously Scooters) as he used to DJ there regularly.
The next Loveshack comes your way for your complete cocktail dancing experience on Saturday 22nd June. Facebook event here.
Although Lance’s claim of a needle mark on Marilyn Monroe’s body after death isn’t on the 1962 coroner’s report, her toxicology report does raise some questions that weren’t answered.
Lance didn’t like madonna’s 2012 fragrance or the bottle it came in. Make up your mind about the bottle.
Lunch with Lance Leopard
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Time for a serious Oxford Street lunch with Lance Leopard, but not till after an even more serious viewing of Valley of the Dolls, a movie Lance agrees is a “great starting point for any camp movie collection’.
Join Maynard as he visits Lance Leopard, high in his ivory tower of scuttlebutt, where all secrets are hidden and revealed, overlooking the inhospitable wilds of Darlinghurst.
Topics covered in this show include, Delilah, The Gibson Brothers, Madonna’s movie career, Jane Fonda, Liberace, Marilyn Monroe on the piano, Bill Collins, Village People, Claire de Lune, Joe Hasham and ABBA.
Lance declares two “stupid films” that should never have been made. While Maynard gets the best scene from Tank Girl wrong.
And the next time someone you know isn’t getting what you are saying, just do what Lance does, and ask them; “can you hear the drums Fernando?”.
Lance did have a few other things he wished to be quoted on;
“I’m glad you’re working hard on this show Maynard, I’m as lazy as Dean Martin.”
“I thought the Madonna film Body of Evidence was a great film in a genre I’ve made up called faux Hitchcock.”
“Madonna can act, when she’s directed well and she’s not the leading character.”
“My favourite Bond film is Moonraker, it’s James Bond in space AND Shirley Bassey belts out the theme song.”
“I ironed Neil Tenant’s pants once backstage because the Pet Shop Boys wardrobe assistant had gone missing at The Phoenix Bar on ecstasy or something. I blame the gays.”
“I have long arms, so it never looks like I’m taking a selfie. It looks like I’m just waving.”
“I’ve been called a gay icon, and I’ve been called worse.”
“Now a new audience has rediscovered me, I’m trapped with my quiff, my perfect eyebrows and my matte complexion.”
” Now that I’m older, I’ve realised timing and lighting is EVERYTHING.”
Enjoy your lunch with Lance, see you at the buffet….
Maynard’s 1989 interview with Jackie O’Sullivan of Bananrama during their Australian tour
Madonna in Lance’s favourite scene from Dick Tracey, love that dialogue.
Patreon Pandering May – Lance Leopard & Tim Ferguson
A regular monthly micro show, Patreon Pandering, is very secret squirrel with the intention to thank all the Patreon supporters that keep Planet Maynard spinning.
This month Lance Leopard and Tim Ferguson open a bottle of thank you cream, and spread over where it is needed most, the supporters, who, month after month give Planet Maynard the goose it needs to keep going.
Have a listen if you are a Patreon
A Tribute to Doris Goddard – By Lance Leopard
Gay icon Lance Leopard pays tribute to Doris Goddard, and confides for the first time how The Hollywood Hotel songbird stole his cult classic short film Boots “and rightly so”, and his heart. “We love you Doris.”
Let’s go to discover why the legendary lady of Sydney’s Hollywood Hotel still fascinates.
I’m Lance Leopard, the tall star of short films.
My First Film
Boots, was shot on location at said Hollywood Hotel. I recall having to summon the feelings, the Walk, the addled emotions I’d need to convincingly play a drunkard. Tough stuff. I decided to just play my unfortunate little brother. AND JUST AT THAT MOMENT…. The set suddenly seemed to go pink. GLOWED. Ms Doris Goddard had materialized, pretty in pink to visit our set. Wiglet in place, head-to-toe Mansfield Pink. Oversized Sophia Loren Sunglasses. Doris is a great Actress. I looked round in wonder. And said it: “Oh my. This does take me back!” Yep, back to 1957 when leggy showgirl Doris Goddard starred with Bob Hope in The Iron Petticoat. And wiped Katherine Hepburn off the screen.
I felt a chill. Was I, too to be wiped off the screen? I was billed above the title! Doris, who isn’t even a distant relation to Paulette Goddard, joined & enhanced our movie to the Nth Degree. She was filmed singing our title song….HER WAY. Like, whos Nancy Sinatra? Never heard of her. Totally.
Oh, This Takes Me Back
SOOO… I had Boots click into re-release on line. Its my way of sharing the The Goddard Factor with fans that she has yet to know. All you campers. I hope you enjoy Boots. I did. You’ll love me getting the shit beaten out of me by 50 vengeful go-go dancers! I believe youll love Annette Evans miming to Nancy in the closing production number. I do. Stick around for the end credits- and thats an order, dears.
Fall in love with Goddard’s live version, it’s a gem. Dramatically playing guitar with a flamenco flair that makes the night sing. Here’s to you, lady. Because what’s right is right. And you ain’t been wrong yet. Your a true Star. Im only a fan. How does THAT grab you, Darlin’?
Lance Leopard changes his spot
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Lance Leopard is a gay icon and legendary gossip columnist from the glamorous 1990s of the Oxford Street strip, and beyond. Join us in Lance Leopard’s new spot. An ivory tower high above the fray, overlooking Darlinghurst, where secrets are both hidden and revealed.
During his tenure as chief gossip and stirrer of The Scene in his weekly columns in The Star Observer, Capital Q, Out Biz and more, he dished the dirt and smeared the eyeliner without fear or favour.
Lance even has celebrity advice for Dannii Minogue (a child superstar), Cybill Shepherd (selfish bitch) and his Mum (Ikeep my manners around her and try and teach her a few).
Join us for drinks won’t you?
I present short history of quotes from Lance Leopard;
“I can admit it now because I’m retired”
“People “remember” me doing all sorts of things. It might not have been me they actually remember. It could have been Sexy Galexy for all I know.”
“The more you do something, the better you get at it. Or else you’re always dreadful and no one will tell you.”
“Brisbane is like Baltimore, it’s one of those nutty little towns that just has its own thing.”
“I don’t know if I should say this.”
“If people are complaining there isn’t a scene. They can go out there and make one.”
“I liked it when my columns were in magazines people had to actually buy. I made more of an effort then.”
“Everybody has an opinion now days. But if it’s not an informed opinion, it’s a lousy opinion, and who needs to hear it?”
When asked at what point in history Lance would have liked to have lived;
“I would have picked the good years of Versailles. Before everybody got angry and started demanding cake.”
On the world of gossip a learned Lance quotes Ru Paul;
“What people say about you behind your back is none of your business.”
Archive of Lance Leopard columns from Cotton Ward
Short films starring Lance Leopard
Interview with Lance Leopard opening night of “Australia in the 80s” Powerhouse Museum.
Maynard touches Morrissey’s shirt sleeve at Sydney Opera House
See why Lance & Maynard so impressed with Bob Downe’s makeup.
The Megamen (with Lance Leopard on syn drums) Brisbane Telethon 1983 “Designed For Living”.
One of Lance Lepoard’s dance floor favourites Stacey Q – We Connect
Maynard interview with Stacey Q 2016
80s Exhibition Powerhouse
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The Sydney Powerhouse opened their 80s pop culture exhibit in Novenber & I was there to capture some voices from the vault. DJ Scott Pullen, RAT Party Guru Jac Vidgeon, Wally the sexbomb barmaid & DJ, and Lance Leopard a blogger from a time before blogs. Even found time for a lost classic from 1989.
